Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
