did you get engaged???
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
