We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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