Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
