I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm both gender and math confused
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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