Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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