Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
