He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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