I accidentally had phone sex last night
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
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You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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