Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
