My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
