my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
