Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
