I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
