Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
