I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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