she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
