I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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