# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
