I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
