He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
