I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
