By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
