I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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