I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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