Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
