For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
