Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
