How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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