C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This baby is an asshole
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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