i permit you to call me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
