She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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