How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
