Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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