My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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