True but thats because hes a fetus.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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