Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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