you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
