??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
