no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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