Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
