Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it hurts more in the daytime
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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