I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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