He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
