Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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