direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
