theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
