I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's never too late to be topless.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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