Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
