i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
