so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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