i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
