is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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