I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
