either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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