I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
