I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
