Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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