So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
