one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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