I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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