I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
