you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
