just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
