Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
