Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
