i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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